Another Day
by GreenGreyBlue
Summary: Allen plays the piano in a brothel, talking with staff and customers, trying to overcome his inability to properly connect with those around him. He never realises that the people around him have their own share of problems, unable to connect in different ways, and dealing with the struggles of relationships. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Just another day.**

Friday nights were always Allen's favourite night to work. It was busy enough to make things interesting, but not so busy that things got out of control and the staff became annoyed. On Fridays business men and a hand full of women would come out to their bar, feeling they would need to reward themselves after a long week with a few drinks and the pleasure of the flesh. Fridays at the bar were laid back with everyone just looking to relax and have a good time. Not write themselves off and have a 'crazy adventure' like people were on Saturdays. They were the Friday night regulars that would come every week or sometimes just once a month, but Allen knew most of them by name if not by sight.

He always started with Ragtime on a Friday. It was good for people to walk into something cheerful. People would always smile at him and he would send them a nod from behind the piano. Most of them came for the women, others came for the cheap drinks, and a small few came just for him. There was a certain something about a piano bar that some people were draw to. They were hard to come across and even if he happened to play in what was basically a whore house, people felt nostalgic even when they had never experienced a Piano bar before, and Allen enjoyed it. Never in all his life did he believe he could get a job that involved playing the piano and talking with people. All of them loved him and it was all just a stroke of luck that he got the job.

Finishing off his latest song with a flourish, he stood up and bowed at the applauding audience. It was time for a break. Soon enough more people would be flowing in and then he would have to switch from Ragtime to something softer and more 'sensual', something that people could dance to as they picked their partners out for the night. After the 'sensual' music he would take another break, after that he would play something more up beat again. Something for the people that were just there for the drinks and the music. Something for the people who just went there because no one knew there name. The people who wanted a good time but didn't want to get caught up with silly things, like mindless sex and having to pay for it.

Standing from the piano, Allen linked his fingers and stretched his arms above his head, smiling in relief as his bones cracked. He made his way over to the bar and sat down at his seat. Every night wether he was there or not, it was his seat. He sat down and pulled the packet of cigarettes out of his pocket. He took out a cylinder and stuck it in his mouth. The moment he had the thing rested between his lips a flame appeared in front of him. With a smile he leaned into the flame and inhaled.

"Thanks, Marie," he said with a smile, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

Noise Marie, bar man and intimidating figure. He poured drinks like a pro and was there to flex muscles and glare when the customers got out of hand. It was only the staff that noticed the way he felt the edge of glasses and the way he counted his steps. The way he walked sure and steady, and how he always felt and bent the corners of bank notes. Technically he could still see, but legally he was blind. With everything on him, he was one of the best bar men out there. He could serve multiple people at a time, and he was always there to lit up a smoke. He had a six sense when it came to when one of the woman were in trouble, and at the end of it all he would tell a joke. And not just any joke, but something that could make anyone laugh no matter what had happened.

"No problem," Marie said with a smile.

He slid the lighter back into his pocket with expert ease and went about pouring Allen his drink. He slid it across the bar to him with out spilling a drop.

"What do you think tonight will be like?" Allen asked, grabbing his drink and taking a sip.

"A good night I think," he said, running his hand alone the counter until he came to the washer, "One of the men before sounded a bit off, but I'll keep an ear out for him."

He opened the washer and pulled out a steaming tray of glasses. He put each on of them away by feel and didn't slip up once.

"Here she comes," Marie said discreetly out of the corner of his mouth.

Allen had a second to understand what he meant, when a pair of arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him back.

"Allen, honey," she said.

"Hey, Lena," he said with a smile.

"It's going to be a good night yeah?" she said with a smile, tightening her grip.

"Yeah, tonights got a good feel about it," he said patting her arm, hoping she would let him go.

"It's got a good feel alright. You know why?" she purred leaning closer to his ear.

_'Hear it comes.' _Allen thought with a smile.

"I think tonights the night I make you a man," she whispered in his ear.

It was the same almost overnight since she had found out that Allen was a virgin. In all honest he wasn't interested in being intimate with another person, male or female. He'd tried both and he just wasn't interested. For some reason he had let slip to Lenalee and a few of the other girls that he had yet to pop the cherry. While they were all shocked that a twenty three year old male was yet to 'seal the deal', he was perfectly happy. He didn't feel the desire to share his life or body with any one else. Unfortunately since he had let slip, Lenalee had made it her life goal to get him into bed with herself or anyone else for that matter.

"Still not interested, Lena," he said with a laugh, pulling himself out of her grip.

"Allen," she said, moving around to stand in front of him, a pout on her face.

"Sorry," he said, turning away and taking a sip from his drink.

"If I'm not your type, I'm sure _he_ will be able to manage you," she said moving from in front of him. She slung and arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, resting her cheek against his, "With the money he pulls in I'm sure he'll be able to make you happy."

When she moved she revealed one of the few male workers. He shook his head with a small laugh, and took another drag.

"No way," he said letting out a plume of smoke, "No matter what my kind is, I know for a fact that I am not _his_ kind."

Kanda, one of the only working males at the club, with a look that could either send people running or reel them in. With the people he managed to reel in he either did something very right, or scared them senseless. Either way he managed to bring in large amounts of money, all the while taking minimal customers.

Kanda some how managed to sense their eyes on him and slowly turned to meet their gaze. He turned his head and glared at Allen.

"The fuck you looking at?" he growled.

Allen smiled, even as his eye twitched, and took another sip from his drink. Lenalee leaned on him more heavily and rested her cheek against his.

"I've been trying to figure that out myself," he said smugly, setting his glass down on the bar.

He could feel Lenalee's lips twitch up into a smirk against his cheek and then turn to press a small kiss to his cheek.

"Say that again you fucking midget," Kanda spat.

Allen's eye twitched again at the reference to his height. When he first met Kanda he would always explode and an argument would ensue. Over time though Allen learnt that the only thing Kanda had in his arsenal of insults were references to his height. So Allen learnt that if he just took the insult and smiled back at Kanda, it annoyed him more than any retort could, and that was exactly what Allen did. He smiled at him and took another puff of his cigarette before stubbing it out on the bar, his smile never leaving his face and his eye contact never wavering. Kanda stared a full two minutes before having enough and walking away with a scoff.

Allen watched the man walk away and the way that his long hair swished back and forth across his back. There were rumours around the place that Kanda would only let his hair down if someone paid him enough. Another and less viable rumour was that Kanda would only take his hair down for people he liked. Considering the mans disposition, Allen found the second rumour hard to believe. Yet as he walked away Allen had to admit that Kanda was a very attractive man, but it was always that way with Allen. He could find someone attractive, Kanda was, so was Lenalee, but he never felt _drawn_ to someone. He was surround by overly attractive people every night, but he never felt any urges or desires, which was exactly why he was still a virgin at twenty-three.

At twenty-one he went through a stage of trying to lose his virginity. He had tried with both males and females, finding both sexes equally as attractive. He would meet people at clubs, pubs, shopping centres and theatres, and all his meetings would end up the same. He would meet with someone, they would talk, drink, eat and then eventually, make out. While pressed against a wall or lying on top of someone on a couch, the out come was always the same. He didn't feel anything. The clashing of lips, the heavy breathing and the wandering of hands never did anything for him. It would reach a point when sex was obvious, but he could never take it to that next step. He would withdraw and excuse himself, and that was it. He blamed it on his upbringing.

From a young age he was exposed to that shadier side of life by his legal guardian. How a man like Marian Cross, a womanising debt gather, was ever put in charge of a child was beyond him. The man was a drunken and irresponsible man that exposed Allen to the truths of life earlier than he was able to understand them. His childhood was littered with awkward nights and being looked after by whores and pimps while Cross himself had a good time. It was because of Cross' trips that Allen found himself with the job he had.

At sixteen Allen was dragged to the very place he now worked at. Cross had dumped him at the bar and wandered off to entertain himself. No one was there to watch him, so no one cared when he got up and walked over to the large upright piano shoved into a corner. It was just there for show and hadn't been played for years. With nothing better to do, Allen sat down at the dusty musical instrument and started to play. He was rusty form years of neglect, but there was no one in the crowd to notice his slip ups. He played every song he knew through the night and when Cross failed to return he played them over again, never realising that people were listening to him and leaving him tips.

When he finished playing everything he knew for a second time he finally stopped and looked up. He was met with a chorus of applause and a sea of coins and notes in front of him. He had greedily snatched all the money up, shoving it in his pockets before Cross had a chance to know. It was only when he had made sure every five cent coin was shoved in his pocket that he noticed that someone was leaning against the piano and looking down at him.

Her name was Cloud Nyne. Allen never asked, but he guess it was pseudo. She ran the place and she considered the scar on her face as a badge of honour. A sign that she had been there done that and came out on top at the end of it all. She offered him a job while he was in town, three nights a week, Thursday's, Friday's and Saturday's. Allen hastily accepted, even though he already had a job. He was working as a cleaner four nights a week, and the pay was minimal. Cloud offered him something a little more than he was earning. It didn't take him long to accept her offer. It was only three days a week and he didn't know when he would be moving on again, but the pay rate was higher. Also at his cleaning job he was constantly put down and accused of stealing by the people he cleaned for.

A few weeks after he accepted the job, Cross informed him that they were moving on. He didn't want to go, he refused, and in the end Cross left him behind. He couldn't be happier with the decision. Over the years he built up a reputation, and set himself up. Not to mention he ended up working six days a week and brought in enough money to live comfortably. It was the first time in his life that he had felt so grounded and happy.

"So what do you think, Allen?" Lenalee purred against his ear, shaking him from his thoughts, "You've still got a few minutes on break, but I'm sure I could get it extended."

"Lenalee," Allen said with a smile, turning so that their lips were millimetres apart, "You're brother just walked through the door," he whispered.

The last thing he saw of Lenalee was a pair of heels disappearing over the edge of the bar as she dived from sight. Her brother Komui was not in the bar, but he had been known to randomly appear in tears, and pay for Lenalee's entire night, just so she wouldn't end up with anyone else. It was a gruelling experience for Lenalee, the staff and customers. Cloud had informed staff that he was not to be let in, however occasionally he found a way in.

Allen finished his drink and stood up with a stretch.

"Need me to go on a bin run for you, Marie?" Allen asked.

"Thanks, Allen," Maire replied gratefully. It wasn't like he couldn't do it himself, it was just so much easier for Allen to do it, and Allen didn't mind at all.

He walked behind the bar and gather up all the bags before heading out the back door. There was a narrow street behind the bar that was littered with rubbish and dumpsters. Allen always considered it a very cliche' looking back alley. And because of that, what he hadn't already seen with his years of traveling with Cross, he had seen in that back alley. He'd seen drug deals, been shot at, and mugged. He'd talked with junkies and street whores, called an ambulance for a stabbing victim, and one time, saw a homeless woman give birth. He'd come across victims of most crimes and witness a few more. At his young age, he had truly seen it all.

As he carried the bags outside he believed the alley to be empty that night. When he threw the bags into the bin with a loud thump someone jumped out from behind the dumpster. He tensed slightly, preparing himself for whatever the person was after. It wasn't the first time he would have been jumped taking out the rubbish. The person who jumped out though seemed to have done it in genuine surprise. He had a phone pressed to his ear with a cigarette clenched between two fingers, in his other hand he held a small glass, filled with amber liquid. Allen recognised the man. He was fairly new to the bar, and as far as Allen could tell he hadn't as of yet stayed the night with anyone. He seemed to just come in, have a few drinks and then leave. Although Allen hadn't failed to notice how often the man's gaze feel on him. It was nice and all, but Allen really didn't need another stalker asking him how much it was for him for the night. He had enough of those, he even had one he shared with Lenalee. Bak Chan was a strange man.

Despite the man's creep vibe, Allen smiled at him and gave a polite wave. The man nodded in response and smiled himself. Turning away to walk back into the club, Allen felt the man's eyes follow him back in. He should be use to it, but it always made him uncomfortable. Back inside the bar he made his way back to the piano, wanting to distract himself by playing something simple. After all it was the simple time of night. It was when people wanted to dance slowly with only the thought of flesh on the their minds. For the few people that were there for the music and a drink, they knew their turn would come and they would wait it out.

Allen played and watching with envy as the men and woman circulated the room, eyes' darting and selecting who they were willing to pay to spend the night with. Allen was envious because he couldn't do that. He couldn't just see what he wanted and go up and take it. He knew there was something wrong with and sometimes he just wished he could dive into the pleasures of the flesh like everyone else did. He wanted it so much, he wanted to feel the hype he had been told about. He wanted the intense pleasure and feeling of resting against warm flesh. So what was wrong with him? Why couldn't he take that final step when it was presented so clearly in front of him? Why didn't his body react the way it was suppose to?

He was drawn from his thoughts when he felt and heard the thunk of a glass on the wood of his piano. He looked up with out stopping his playing and stared into a pair of unique yellow eyes. It was the man he had seen earlier outside, talking on his phone. The man smirked down at him and lifted his drink in a salute before taking a drink. Allen nodded in response looking down at the keys, a small smile on his face that he wanted to hide. The guy was a creep, that was obvious, but he couldn't help but feel happy about the attention the attractive male was giving him. He knew from previous experience that the man would most likely offer him money, thinking he was there to buy like so many others before him had. He enjoyed the feeling of being wanted, but felt the usual tug at his heart knowing that he couldn't and wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

So he ignored the attractive man as much as he could over the next two hours of playing. He couldn't help glancing up every now and then though, just to see if the man was still watching, and he was. It seemed as though the man never looked away, and while Allen knew he should have found it creepy, he was utterly flattered. While most people would have walked away by now and found someone else, the man had stayed. He hadn't walked off to ask any of the other numerous men or women about their time. The man was dead set on Allen and Allen felt a flutter of hope, the hope that maybe this was his chance.

When his session ended and the bar was emptied because most people had gone up to the rooms, Allen stood and stretched again. Totally ignoring the man that had been resting against his piano for the last two hours, he made his way over to the bar and sat down at his seat once again. Looking around he saw that Lenalee was gone, which wasn't a big shock, she was a popular choice, but Kanda was gone too. Allen found himself feeling sorry for whichever male or female had bought him for the night. They were in for a hell of a night, or a very good night, people paid a lot for him for a reason.

He tried to ignore all these thoughts and the attractive man that had watched him as he got himself comfortable. As soon as he sat down his usual drink was set down in front of him.

"Thanks, Marie," he mumbled, feeling somewhat down.

He took a small sip and set the drink down, pulling his packet of cigarettes out of his pocket. He went to pull one out and Marie got his lighter out in preparation. Pulling a cylinder out and resting it to his lips, he leaned forward to the flame Marie offered. Millimetres from the flame he felt a hand rest on his shoulder and with it came a small tingle, a sense of excitement that was rare to him. He pulled away from the flame and looked up at the person who had caused the pleasant shock through his body. His eyes met the man from earlier, that same tall and exceedingly attractive man.

"Yes?" Allen asked simple, hiding his excitement expertly.

"I was wondering if you would join me for a smoke… outside?"

Allen and everyone else within ear shot could easily hear the double entendre in his sentence.

"Allen?" Marie said in a worried and warning voice.

He had a moment to decide, a second really. He didn't know wether to shrug it off as one of many offers, or take the man up. He was the only person in a long time to make him feel that little bit of excitement. That taste of something else that had eluded him half his life. The fact that he was a bit of a creeper didn't even bother him that much, he knew with a single wrong word or sound, Marie would be there with a metal bat.

While his mind was still throwing around the pros and cons, his mouth spoke.

"Sure," he said, shocked at his own mouth.

"See you outside then?" the man said, sliding his hand off of Allen's shoulder, running his hand down his arm at the same time. He felt it again then, that small shock of excitement.

"Allen, are you sure what you're doing?" Marie asked.

"I know I'm trying," Allen said with a smile, grabbing his drinking and heading out back.

He walked out into the evening air, finding the brush of the air refreshing against his face. He look a sip from his drink and looked around him trying to locate the man.

"Hey," the man's now familiar voice said into his ear.

Allen turned his head with a smirk finding the man mere inches from his face. He pulled away slightly not letting the man think he could get so close so quickly.

"So, your name is Allen then?" the man said, pulling a cigarette from behind his ear.

He stuck the thing in his mouth and lit it up with a zippo lighter which he pulled easily from his shirt pocket. Once he was done he offered the flame out to Allen who leaned forward and inhaled, lighting his death stick and secretly rejoicing in the smoke that flowed down his throat.

"Yep," he said, blowing out a plume of smoke, "And your name is?"

"Tyki," he said offering a hand, "Tyki Mikk."

"Allen Walker," Allen said taking the hand and introducing himself properly.

"Nice to meet you, Allen Walker, piano player in a whore house."

"And what might I call you?" Allen asked, sucking deeply on his cigarette.

"Tyki Mikk, business and entrepreneur."

"Entrepreneur," Allen repeated in a slightly mocking tone, "So what brings you to this place?"

"I'm trying to find something different."

"And did you find it?"

"I certainly did," he said with a smirk, turning towards Allen.

He looked down at the smaller man, the smirk never leaving his face as he slowly moved closer and closer, pushing the smaller to the wall.

"I found something truly exciting," he said leaning in.

Allen stopped him by bringing his cigarette to his lips. Tyki pulled away because if he had continued he would have received burnt lips.

"Not ready?" Tyki asked.

"Let me finish my smoke," Allen replied.

He knew his act was flawless, Tyki had no clue. Yet while he smiled and toyed with the man, his heart thudded painfully in his chest. He was nervous as to what was to come next. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say or how to act. He didn't know if he was willing to go all the way with this man, and if he did, did that mean he would finally loose his virginity, in an alley.

Allen took his time smoking his cigarette, not inhaling as much as he usually did. He was nervous and didn't know what would happen when he finished.

"That's enough," Tyki said plucking the half finished cigarette from his mouth.

"But-" Allen started, being cut off by moist lips.

He was startled, he didn't know what to think or do. Sure he had kissed someone before, but the problem was always the same. He just didn't know what to do, and since he was feeling nothing he couldn't just let his body take over. Not knowing what else to do he tried moving his lips against the others. It was sloppy he could tell, but he continued anyway, thinking he could just write it off as inexperience with a male. He moved against the other mouth and rolled his tongue against another tongue. He had been there before, he had kissed and rubbed his tongue against someone else, but it was different. The whole time he felt a tiny but persistent thrill. Something that wasn't usually there. So he decided to go along with it.

He gave the man complete control and let him do what he wanted. He let the man intrude his mouth and let him rub his hands over his body. Allen found himself gasping as minute amounts of pleasure entered his body. The whole thing was going further than he had ever been before. In previous years and in other make out sessions he had never felt so much. Tyki was groaning and rubbing himself against him, something he found pleasing and enjoyable. He felt a pleasure he had never felt before and a stirring he had never experienced before. It hurt, but in a good way.

Yet all of the pleasure ended when he felt Tyki unbutton his trousers and reach his hand inside. He was pressed harder against the alley wall and a hand grasped him tightly. He winced in pain and tried to stifle a gasp of pain as Tyki began to pull and tug at him in a way that he was sure would be pleasurable to anyone else. The pull on his manhood became harder and he could tell Tyki was becoming frustrated by the sound of his hissing.

"Come on," he was hissing, pulling harder.

"Stop it," Allen mumbled, pushing his hands against his chest.

"Just a little while longer," Tyki whispered.

"Stop," Allen said louder, successfully pushing the man away.

"What?!" Tyki snapped.

"I'm sorry," Allen whispered, pushing the man further away before grabbing his trousers and pulling them back up.

"What the hell?" Tyki yelled, "I thought you were into this?!"

"I'm sorry," Allen whispered again, "I'm sorry, but I just can't feel anything."

There was a moment of silence between them that was filled with the sounds of cars racing by in the street ahead and the distant sounds of the bar.

"What do you mean?" Tyki asked softly.

"I don't feel anything… ever," Allen replied.

"Ever? How can you not feel anything? I was pulling at your dick in a way that would make a hooker moan."

"I'm sorry, but there is something wrong with me. I want to do it… do this, but I just don't feel anything."

"Look man, are you gay or aren't you?"

"I dunno," Allen replied softly.

"How can you not know?" Tyki replied obviously frustrated.

"I just don't!" Allen snapped, he didn't like having to explain his problem, "I just don't feel anything when it comes to sexual situations. I want to, but I don't."

"So why did you come out with me then?" Tyki snapped back quickly.

"I don't know, I thought… I thought I felt something. So I wanted to try."

"Shit," Tyki grumbled, leaning back against the concrete wall and lighting a smoke.

Allen played with the edge of his shirt, pulling on a loose thread. He pulled a total of three threads out before sighing and pulling his own packet of cigarettes from his pocket.

"Got a light?" he asked, holding the smoke to his lips.

"Sure," Tyki grumbled, pulling the lighter from his pocket.

"i'm sorry again," Allen mumbled feeling guilty.

"What would you have done if I had just kept going?" Tyki asked suddenly.

Allen thought about it for awhile whilst smoking away, before answering.

"I probable would have let you."

"You would have let me!" Tyki yelled in disbelief, "Even if you weren't into it?"

"Even if I wasn't, this is something I need to do… You know, honestly, I'm a virgin,"

"A virgin!" Tyki yelled.

"Yep, and I would have let you keep going, because I don't want to be a virgin, I want to know what it feels like, I want to feel it."

"If you're not into it, it wont feel good," Tyki said quickly.

"I thought I should at least try," Allen whispered.

Unable to speak anymore they stood next to each other, smoking slowly. The sounds of the night filled both of their ears yet both of them blocked it out both lost in their own thoughts.

"You know I'm all about the pleasure," Tyki said suddenly, dropping his butt to the floor and stepping on it, "That's why I come to these places, but it's nothing if my partner doesn't feel pleasure. There's nothing worse than a partner yelling 'Oh yes, Oh yes' and not really felling anything…"

Allen let the sentence hang, knowing he was suppose to say something, but totally mute to the whole thing.

"What I'm trying to get across is, I would never have kept going… not ever. I know I have an appearance about me, I know I'm some where between sexy and creepy, but I want you to know I would never force you, or anyone."

"Um… Thank you?" Allen said, not knowing what else to say.

"You're welcome,"Tyki said with a small smile.

He flicked his finished cigarette away and turned back to Allen.

"I'm glad I met you, despite everything," he said, pressing his lips softly against Allen.

With the press of those lips Allen felt it again, the small feeling of something. It wasn't big, but it was something.

Tyki pulled away and began to walk down the alleyway, away from Allen and the bar.

"Hey Tyki!" Allen yelled after him.

"Yeah?" Tyki said spinning on his heel.

"If I want to try again… would you be willing?" he asked shyly.

Tyki took a moment to run is eyes over the male that had caught his attention so. Even if things hadn't worked out as he expected, he still found himself attracted to the other talented male.

"I'll be back next Friday," he said turning away before he could hear the others response.

"I look forward to it," Allen said to himself, turning away himself.

He headed back into the bar and finally drank the drink he had held the whole time. He set the empty glass on the bar on the way in, ignoring Marie's questions as he went. He felt the need to play and provide for those people who were just there for a good time.

Sitting back down behind the piano he cracked his knuckles and rested his fingers on the keys.

"Hey there," he said into the microphone in front of him that he had ignored most of the night, "Now that everyone else is settled, what's say we have a good time?"

He was met with a small chorus of approval from the few people there that just wanted music. He pleased them all by beginning to play the classic rock and roll beginning of 'Great Balls of Fire' by Jerry Lee Louis. It was a good night and even though it was moving passed midnight Allen found himself happy where he was. He had a crowd and despite the time, the night was still young.

At the back of the room, he could have sworn he saw a tanned and smirking face.

And he played.

…

**So, I started this some time back In early September, and honestly it's just been bugging me. I"m still on Hiatus but I just wanted to finish this. That's why it may seem hurried at the end. Forgive me for posting something shitty.**

**Technically this is a one shot, but I'm going to leave it as 'in progress', just because I feel that I could ad more on to it in various ways.**

**To those who read my other stories… sorry no update any time soon.**

**this here is just myself forcing myself to write.**

**I didn't realise it at the time, but this is heavily inspired by Billy Joel.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Not your normal day.**

He had never been in such a place before, and he didn't expect the old Panda to willingly bring him to such a place. It was strange because the moment he walked in he could feel how heavy the atmosphere was. The whole place seemed casual but he could feel it, see it. People were there for one reason or another and it wasn't for the cheap drinks at the bar.

"What're we doing here?" he whined feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm trying to get certain things out of your head before you develop something that cannot be fixed so easily," the old man rumbled.

"Like what?" he scoffed.

"Like attachments," the man scoffed back, "Lately I've noticed things, certain frustrations,"

"Like sexual frustrations," he said quickly, cutting the other man off.

"Exactly, and I want you to be rid of them before they get out of hand and form attachments. I remember what it's like to be young and have yearnings. So I brought you here to get them out of your system before it becomes troublesome," the old man said stiffly, turning away to light his cigar.

The young man glanced around the room, taking in multiple couples, clutching at each other, dancing, kissing, everything that he had been previously denied. He didn't see the point in it all. In his mind it could only possibly make things worse. So he voiced his opinion.

"Wouldn't this make things worse?" he asked.

"Only if you're stupid," the old man retorted.

"Stupid is all I am, according to you," he said with a sigh.

Making his way over to the bar he ordered himself a scotch on the rocks and a gin and tonic for the old man. Neither of them drank often but despite their indifference to everything they both had their preferences. The bar man nodded at his order and he immediately noticed the way the man moved, figuring that the man was partially, if not completely blind. He was still an excellent bar man, going off of feel and weight, instead of sight, The young man was impressed and decided to tip the man, dropping some coins into a glass on the bar that said tips.

"Thanks," the barman said obviously hearing the coins hit the the glass.

He finished up the drinks, sure and study without taking up too much time, and set them in front of the young man.

"Thanks," he said, pushing the man a fifty, "Keep the change."

The bar man smiled and nodded, taking the note. His eyes widening as he felt the edges of the note, realising what he had just been given.

"Hey… wait," he called.

It was too late however as he had grabbed his drinks and walked away. He scanned the room and immediately found the old man sitting at a small circular table. He made his way over and sat the drinks down on the table. With a sigh he sat down across from the old man, immediately taking a sip from his drink.

"So what do I have to do?" he questioned with another sigh.

He waited impatiently as the old man took a small sip of his drink before sitting it back down on the table.

"I have hired a girl for you, her name is Lenalee, currently the most popular girl. She is currently at the bar."

The younger man turned in his seat and glanced towards the bar. He had already internally logged everyone at the bar while ordering the drinks, but he turned to make sure that nothing had changed. And nothing had, there was no one new at the bar, but the only obvious working girl currently had her arms around someone else.

"Looks like she's preoccupied," he spoke up.

"That young man is not a customer, he works here."

"A working man then?"

"No," the old man said, taking another small sip of his drink before lighting another cigar. "That young man is, Allen, the piano player. From what I can tell he 'can't get it up', as I believe the saying is."

"That's harsh old man."

'Never the less it is true," he said systematically as always. "It does not matter, your date is the young Lenalee, so I suggest you compose yourself as she is walking over here."

'Huh," he said, turning his eyes back towards the bar.

Sure enough the two people had split apart, the male heading towards the large piano, the female, Lenalee, making a bee line straight for him. She was physically attractive, there was no doubt about that, and she knew how to move her body seductively. He knew no one else would notice, but he could tell that there was a hint of sadness to her walk. Her sway wasn't quite right and her eyes were soft, unlike the hardened eyes he saw of all the other girls. Yet he could see the hardness there, underneath it all. There was something that was making her job hard for her, and he had a sneaking suspicion it was recent, and caused by the young man she had just left.

"HI there," she purred in a way that would make any man melt, but he himself just found it sad. It was a forced act and he knew it, and he could tell the old man sensed it as well.

"Hey," he said casually.

"The name's Lenalee. What's yours?"

"Lavi," he said, even if it wasn't his real name. It was a name chosen at random, from the long list of names he had previously used.

"It's a pleasure," she purred once more. She held out a hand to him and he took it, allowing her to pull him up and drag him out to the dance floor. "Do you like to dance?" she asked.

"I've got two left feet," he said while stumbling along to her moves blindly.

It was a lie, he knew basic dancing moves along with a number of other seemingly useless things. Because seemingly useless things can always come in handy. He simple lied and stumbled about, because he didn't want the whole night to be extended more than it had to be. He just wanted the whole thing over and done with. The quicker it was done the better, he would get rid of what was unfortunately natural urges, and at the same time get the old man off his back.

"You really do have two left feet," Lenalee laughed.

Most of it was forced, but Lavi could detect a hint of sincerity and honest laughter under it. She was so sad, and Lavi enjoyed hearing a somewhat genuine laugh.

"I'm sorry, I don't often do these things," he said lying, "I'm only here because of the old man, " he said for once telling the truth.

"The old man?" she asked.

Immediately he could tell that she wasn't in any way interested in what he had to say. It was all part of the act, but for some reason her told her anyway.

"In my line of work I can't have any distractions, and sexual desire is a massive distraction. So he's set this up in a way to get it out of my system."

"Oh," she said with a lick of the lips. She was trying to look seductive and it was working, "And you don't get it out of your system yourself?" As she said this she dropped her hand from his shoulder and ran it teasingly, lightly, between his legs, pressing against his crotch for only a second.

He stiffened slightly, but quickly, in the space of a second, let himself relax again continuing his awkward dancing.

"There's only so much self service can do."

He was feeling awkward, which was strange to him, so in an attempt to get things over and done with, he deliberately trod on her toes.

"Oww!" she yelped, stepping back and letting go of him, and then she laughed, once again almost genuine, "You really are a terrible dancer."

"It's a curse," he shrugged with a smile.

"Or maybe you just want to skip that pleasantries and move straight on to upstairs?"

She rolled her hips, once more seductive and smiled at him in a very come hither way. He could tell why she was so popular, she exuded sex appeal. At the same time she could be either dominate or submissive, appealing to men and women who either wanted to concur or be concurred. She was everything in one, but all Lavi could see was what was hiding behind brown eyes and a performance.

"Let's get this over with," he said with a sigh, dropping the act for a moment.

She noticed, and if she noticed than the old man definitely noticed. The whole time they were attempting to dance he knew he was being watched, and this was a bad thing. It was too late to pick the act back up now, so he took her arm and guided her, gently, towards the stair case that led to the rooms. She scuttled along for a moment, before recovering and taking the lead, grabbing his arm instead of his hers, and leading the way. She easily moved through the crowd, and as they reached the stair case, Lavi saw her eyes dart back towards the room, and saw her, just for a second, rest her gaze on the pianist.

Lavi, for the first time since being a child, felt the smallest rush of jealousy. At first it was foreign to him, not knowing what he was feeling, and then the emotion registered. It was strange because although the urges of the body was something he couldn't control, urges of the mind were something he was well equipped to deal with. Jealous, he decided, was painful and left a certain bad taste on the tongue. It also felt too much like longing, which was something he hoped to erase years earlier. He found himself thinking, 'mine' in his mind, and he didn't like the feeling at all.

"Here we are," Lenalee whispers, leaning against a plain wooden door until it opened.

Lavi walked through the door and looked around, some how no longer interested in bodily desires now that emotional ones had come to the fore ground. The room was empty and emotionless, which should have suited him fine. Instead he found it sad, and he didn't want to be there. He heard the door click shut and lock, and then Lenalee was on him, forcing him into an emotionless kiss that he didn't want. He had lost all of his cravings by that point, and didn't want any part of what was previously planned. He could tell it was obvious to Lenalee too, as the feel of her kiss changed and the way she desperately tried to get him to involve himself in the kiss.

"No," he said softly pushing her away.

"Come on," she said, a little too forced. Lavi could tell she was starting to worry. "You have me for the whole night."

"I don't care."

"Oh god," she said, finally dropping the act, "Please don't tell me you're one of those weirdos that acts all nice than beats up on a girl."

Lavi noticed that way that she sounded scared, but didn't actually convey the feelings into her body language. She wasn't scared, a little worried yes, but not scared.

"No, I'm not going to beat up on you," he sighed.

"Then why did you come here?" she snapped, crossing her arms

"I told you, the old man brought me."

"And I don't believe that for a second."

"I'm serious."

"Yeah right," she said with a roll of the eyes, the acting coming out again, "Like I'm going to believe your father brought you to a whore house."

"He's not may father, he's my teacher."

She didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm sorry, " he said, surprised that he in some way meant it, "I just don't want to sleep with you."

They were bother shocked at what had been said. Lavi because he knew what he said was hurtful. Lenalee because no one have ever turned her down, ever.

"Before you get all offend, it was just because, you seem so sad, and you didn't want to do this"

Lavi mentally slapped himself, wondering what the fuck he was thinking. But then truly, what did a whore have to say to anyone else other than to another whore.

"Of course I don't," she said with a sigh, picking up the acting again, "Who wants to sleep with people for a living."

"That's not true," Lavi said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, his gaze focused on his hands in his lap, "I can tell. You never had a problem with what you did for a living. Not until recently. It's only in the past few months that you have began to think twice about what you do."

Lavi could tell from the silence that she was shocked. She wasn't trying to think up something to say, an excuse or anything. It was because he had spoken the truth, and she had no way to defend herself from the truth. When she didn't speak he continued talking against his better judgment.

"It's Allen isn't it? The old man didn't notice but I did. You didn't want to let him go. You want him, but for some reason he denies you, despite what you are, and this makes you despise what you do."

The silence drew out once again, and just when Lavi was about to get up and leave, he heard laughter. It wasn't a happy laughter, but it wasn't fake. It was the sad laughter of a women finally coming to terms with something so obvious. She knew it, so did he, but it was the first time it had ever been spoken out loud. The bed next to him sunk under a weight and Lavi finally looked up from his hands to see her sitting next to him.

"You're right you know," she said with a smile. It was a sad smile, but still held some small form of happiness. Lavi knew it was from thinking about him. She was sad but Lavi liked, actually liked, the way she didn't succumb to inner emotions and let them run free. She was hurting internally, but externally she let only the smallest amount out in a way that only someone like him could see.

They were two people who never let their emotions show, and should really not have met.

"I like him, a whole lot, and if I knew what true love was I might just say I was in love."

She fell back on the bed, letting her arms stretch out behind her lazily. She was relaxing and letting her defences down.

"Don't get me wrong, I know what love is. I love my brother, I love my few friends. But love between a man and a woman, something that isn't platonic, that's something I don't' really know. I can only think about it, wonder if it's real. But Allen, he's something different, and I hope to the God who does not exist, that maybe it's real."

"Why do you love him?" Lavi asked, not doubting for a second that was what she felt.

"Because he's different. Men and women come here night after night wanting little more than sex and alcohol. Allen doesn't want that, he doesn't desire flesh, and God knows I've offered it to him enough times. He has a few drinks, but never get's drunk. He'll smoke on and off, but he's never addicted, it's just because he wants to."

"What do you feel when he denies you?" Lavi asked, more curious than another, it's not often he heard much into emotional depth. He lay back on the bed and rolled his head to look at her, but her eyes were locked to the ceiling, lost in her own world away from him.

"What I feel is dirty. I know Allen's not one to judge someone by what they do, even if they are a whore. But I can't help but think that maybe if I wasn't what I am, then maybe he would want me. It's rare that someone doesn't want me."

She stretched out on the bed, locking her fingers behind her and pushing up, a few knuckles cracking. Relaxing again, she rolled to her side and sidled up again Lavi in a completely innocent way. There was no under lying tone of promised sex, but instead just the human desire to be close to someone. Something that Lavi found himself curling into, until the both of them were lying curled into each other, legs entwined.

"Silly isn't it?" she whispered,"but what makes it worse, is that in the last few months, I think he's found someone."

"Who?"

"Just a customer. I've never seen him take any of the workers up to a room, but he hangs around, and recently he's been hanging around a lot more often. He rests on the piano and stares at Allen all night, and Allen… well he doesn't stare back but he glances. Then they will have a drink, and step outside for a smoke. I don't think they do much, but it's just long enough for maybe something to happen."

She curled into him tighter and he let her wriggle under his arm and rest her head against his chest.

"Pretty pathetic right? I've fallen for a possibly gay man," she said with a mirthless chuckle.

"Not at all," Lavi said with a laugh of his own, "After all they are so much nicer than us horrible straight men."

They both laughed at that and then they separated, both lying back and staring up at the ceiling.

"So what now?" she asked,"We're booked for the whole night? And you didn't seem very interested."

"Sorry bout that… Do you just want to sleep together?" Lavi asked, unable to hold back the pun, "And by that I mean actually sleep."

"I sleep all day. What about you? I'm sure you still have a lot of tension built up. How about a massage?"

"Nah, that's alright," Lavi said, even though he had changed his mind. He was once more very interested in her, and it wasn't just the natural urges, it was her herself. "I'll be happy enough just to sleep."

"Don't be like that," she said, getting up off the bed and walking around in front of him, "I'd like to do something for you."

She knelt in front of him and began to run her hands lightly over his thighs, his calves hanging over the edge of the bed. She reached up and unbuttoned his jeans pulling them down slightly. Lavi let her, unable to think of what to say to stop her.

"After all, I like you," she said, crawling up along him.

"But not like, Allen," he whispered before he could stop himself.

"No," she said without emotion, her hands stopping, "Not like, Allen."

She began to move her hands again and then went down on him, and Lavi let her.

Lavi knew that the old man organised the whole night to make things less complicated. Make things complicated was exactly what he had done though, because Lavi was stupid. He felt something for the girl in front of him, and it was not pity, nor was it disgust of remorse. It was a very dangerous feeling, and he prayed to the God he did not believe in that the old man didn't notice and take him away from it.

…

**I think they way I would like to go with this, is every second chapter being about another person, but every other chapter than that being about Allen and possibly Tyki. This wont be very long, but I like it.**

**I think this chapter is possible one of my favourite things that I have written and for once I am actually happy with it.**

**Sorry for spelling mistakes, I started off slow a few days again, writing a few lines and paragraphs and going over them. And then tonight I just pushed it all out. So the second half I didn't go over as many times and may have a different feel about it.**

**Sorry for people hanging on for more Poker pair but this had to be written, and I like it going this way.**

**Reviews and opinions are greatly appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Searching .**

His head thumped back against the dirty brick wall and Allen had to wonder how long this was going to continue. Nothing had changed. Tyki was persistent though, and seemed to like the challenge. Once again he found himself in the dirty alley behind his place of work, next to the skips, pushed against the wall with Tyki latched onto him. Tyki was doing all the work, and putting in the most effort, so Allen made sure to do his part. He moved back against Tyki and tried his best to respond to Tyki's touch. He never got what he wanted. There was the occasional shudder when fingers kneaded into his skin , and a tingling across his lips when mouths met. The feelings lasted a second before disappearing, leaving an unpleasant ache behind.

Tyki got frustrated with him sometimes, like when he was obviously aroused but Allen wasn't going any further. Most times he seemed to like trying to help Allen with his problem.

Their panted breaths seem to get louder to Allen's ears and Tyki was once more getting heavily into their activities. He was struggling with the buttons on Allen's shirt, while still keeping their mouths busy. Allen jumped with he felt Tykies warm palm slide across his stomach. Then it happened, like in the past, the sickness came and the moment he felt it he managed to breath a small, "Stop". And Tyki did.

With an annoyed groan he let his hands drop to his side. He rested his flushed forehead against Allen's relatively cool one while they both caught their breath.

"I thought we had made some progress."

"I'm sorry," Allen said, his voice soft.

Tyki pulled away and began straightening his cloths. His clothes were almost neat compared to Allen's creased and unbuttoned outfit. With his clothes once again in perfect order, he shoved his hand in his pocket and retrieved his slightly crushed packet of cigarettes.

"Want one?" he said holding out the back, a cylinder already dangling from his lips.

He still felt ill and was continuously swallowing to try and force down the sick feeling. Having a cigarette wasn't a good idea, but he reached out to take one anyway. His hand shook as he took the smoke and trying to light it was nearly impossible. The process of twirling the little wheel on the lighter with half numb fingers was hard, and even if he did manage to get a flame, his hand shook the flame out.

To Allen's relief, Tyki took the lighter from his hands and lit a steady flame for him.

"Thanks."

Leaning forward he inhaled to light up his cigarette and leaned back again the wall. His legs felt a bit shaky and he didn't trust them, it was easier to lean for the time.

"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" Tyki said.

Allen looked up expecting to see some kind of pity filled look, but his face expressed curiosity.

"Are you getting sick of this?" Allen asked instead.

He was feeling miserable, he had an intense desire to go home, wallow in self pity and maybe, just maybe, eat the entire contents of his fridge.

"Not at all."

"You sure? It can't be fun walking around with a boner and no one to take it out on." Allen said. He was a bit surprised at how harsh his words came out, he was thinking about apologising when Tyki spoke.

"Who's to say I don't take it out on someone?"

For some reason, that hurt. Allen looked down at the ground and puffed away, his emotions undecided on whether they should settle on anger or misery. Both emotions would be directed at himself so neither out come was preferable.

For months they had been meeting in the alley behind the bar, at least once a week, at the most three times, and every time Tyki tried his hardest. Tyki was the only one Allen had ever felt so much with, but the feelings and sensations didn't increase and it was leaving Allen feeling very bitter.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked again, "You're just hurting yourself by forcing yourself."

Allen mumbled something incoherent and wonder about a good way to tell Tyki how he felt about him without embarrassing himself.

"What was that?"

"I want to be normal," he said.

"Define normal," Tyki replied.

The statement pissed him off a little, not to mention Tyki said it with a hint of superiority.

"Normal is being about to enjoy sex. It's being able to be touched and feel… aroused. It's finding comfort in someone's embrace. It's… it's being able to long for someone."

"Have you thought about talking to someone?"

"I'm talking to you," Allen said, clenching his teeth. He didn't feel that Tyki was taking him seriously, and the feeling was not a pleasant one.

"Alright, sorry, but why are those things so important? To you I mean?"

Allen took a while to collect his thoughts, not wanting to just blurt things out like he had before incase Tyki would make a poke at it. While he thought Tyki moved forward and began to button his shirt back up for him. It was a nice gesture that Allen appreciated.

"When I see people together, happily together, I just feel wrong, that I'm not right. I want to able to be that happy with someone. Working here, I see the way the men react when the girls touch them, and I want that too. I don't want to be alone, I want to share my life with someone."

"You can still share your life with someone," Tyki said, moving on to straighten his collar.

"Not properly, it wouldn't be more than friends. Tyki?" Allen said, pushing the man's hands away, "Could you say that if we were in a relationship, a real one, and I couldn't be touched, and there was no sex life. Do you really think you would be able to stay with me?"

Tyki said nothing, just used his hands to smooth down the front of Allen's shirt trying to get rid of the wrinkles he caused. When the shirt was neat again, Tyki moved back towards the door of the club.

"We should get back, your break's almost over."

That was the only answer Allen was going to get, and it hit him a little harder than he thought it would.

"I'll… be right there."

Tyki nodded and went to walk back through the door. Allen had thought he was gone, so he was caught by surprise when he felt two warm hands on either side of his face. Tyki leaned in close to him, brushed there lips together in a light kiss and pulled away. And there was that feeling again, that slight jolt of something else that Allen almost never felt. Tyki continued to hold his head in his hands and let his face hover close by.

"I think, for awhile, that maybe you should try something else."

He kissed him again, giving Allen another rush, and then turned and went back inside. It took Allen a little longer to get over the feeling. By the time Tyki's words had sunk in and Allen rushed into the club after him, it was already too late. Tyki was no where to be seen. The same two emotions appeared again but this time anger won over misery. He stomped back outside and leant again the wall again.

He felt he should be expressing his anger in some way, like bashing his fists against the wall, or screaming really loud. It seemed to work in movies. He thunked his head against the wall, but it just made his forehead hurt, and didn't seem to relieve any pressure. He was still angry, but it was all turned inwards, his head hurt the most and not from thunking it against the wall. He imagined having two vices screwed to his head and the bolt twisting them tighter and tighter. There was an immense pressure in his head and it felt hot and made him feel sick all over again.

"I'm so fucking stupid," he said.

For good measure he thumped his head against the wall once again. Thinking that the third time is apparently the charm, he thunked his head once more. It didn't work, but there was still something that did. He did. He had a job to do and he knew he could let his anger out with music much better than physically harming himself could. The music would be off for a few songs, definitely not something couples could dance too, but it was only a few song.

He made his way back inside.

…

For the first first songs he got some strange looks. Not really expected him to go stomping up to the piano, sit himself down and start bashing away at it like some musically talented primate. But the bashing did it's job and he managed to calm down and think. He played automatically as they were the songs he had played nightly for the last few years. He had to think, and he found that the music he played to allow couples to dance was helping him remain calm. Thinking though, was troublesome. Maybe Tyki was right, and that he needed to try something else for awhile. Maybe he should try girls again? Lenalee was still pestering him everyday, he could give it a shot.

He looked up from the piano and let his eyes glance around the room. He found Lenalee on the dance floor with some middle aged man. She was smiling at the man, not saying anything, and Allen could tell that the man was happy to be there with her. While he could admit that she was an attractive and good looking young woman, he didn't feel anything for her. He looking down again and focused on the keys, not that he need too. No, he was definitely leaning more towards males at the moment. So he looked around again, trying to find Kanda.

Kanda was sitting at the bar with a woman. Allen thought he looked constipated, and was obviously hissing insults at the woman across from him. While even the bravest of customers would have been scared off, the woman sitting by Kanda seemed almost delighted at the brash behaviour. Allen had to remind himself that there were all sorts of people that populated the world, even ones that found getting verbally abused enjoyable. He continued to watch the two of them and looked Kanda over. Once again, he had to admit that Kanda was very pleasing to the eye, and once again, he felt nothing. When Kanda gaze turned to his and locked on to him with a glare, he looked back down at the keys.

It was getting him no where. Looking else where wasn't working.

He thought for a moment about going and seeing someone professionally. Like a therapist or maybe a neurologist, getting his head scanned didn't seem like such a bad idea. Maybe there was something vital missing from his… whatever part of the brain it was that controlled those kinds of things. His thoughts were getting him no where.

Out of habit, he glance up while playing. It was something he had gotten use to since Tyki had been around. Glancing up, the spot Tyki usually occupied was empty, and it made his chest hurt. He was so use to seeing the man there that when he wasn't there, it just felt strange. He glanced at the bar hoping that he would see Tyki there getting himself a drink. The only people at the bar were Kanda and the woman he was with. Kanda sent him another glare so Allen looked away. He didn't actually think that Tyki would leave.

For the first time in his career Allen slipped and played the wrong note. He covered quickly and looked up to make sure no one had noticed. No one seemed to be looking at him, but while he was looking he slipped up again.

"Shit," he hissed to himself.

He stared down at the keys and focused. Focused, focused, focused.

When he slipped again he realised what his problem was. The realisation made him stop playing completely. Something that sounded like 'Gah!' spilled from his mouth and his head crashed down on the keys. For once hitting his head against something seemed to help, and the drawn out clash of musical notes made him feel better too. When the final note ran out, Allen didn't even notice the silence of the club around him, or that everyone had turned to look at him. He didn't move, letting the keys imprint little marks into his forehead. Around him people whispered to each other, laughed about it and a few were trying to figure out through nervousness, the best way to ask if he was alright.

"Allen."

He lifted his head from the keys and looked up at Marie.

"Sorry about that," Allen said with a smile he knew Marie couldn't see.

He straightened up and positioned his hands above the keys, getting ready to play again.

"Why don't you take the night off," Marie said.

Allen was going to protest, but stopped, because he really didn't want to be there for the next four hours. He want to go home, curse himself a few times, and perhaps, just perhaps, eat the entire contents of his fridge.

"Alright," he said.

Standing up, he pulled the cover over the keys and bowed to the people that were there for him.

"Sorry," he said into the micro phone.

He didn't make any eye contact as he walked away from his piano, but he heard a few people referring to him.

He made his way behind the bar to retrieve his belongings. Marie followed him back, and took up his place at the bar again. Because of previous encounters with unfavourable sorts in the wee hours of the morning, Allen carried very little with him. He left his phone at home, because answering or playing with ones phone at work was unprofessional, and it didn't matter what someone was calling him for, he was at work. He carried his wallet with him, only because he knew that if he took his travel card out of it, he'd never remember to put it back in and loose it somewhere. He didn't carry any money with him though. He took his MP3 player with him, but it was small and he could easily hide it on his person, he kept the earphones jammed in his pocket, and he only pulled the player out when he was safely on the bus. The only other thing he carried with him were his cigarettes.

Since bulging pockets annoyed Allen when working, he pulled out everything and left it at the bar while he went to play.

He shoved everything back into his pockets, and like always the bulging pockets annoyed him.

He said his good byes, smiled to everyone as he did and walked out the back door, into the alley. He leant back against the brick wall and the door shut behind him with a clean snap. When the door shut he let himself slide down the wall, ignoring the way his shirt got caught and tugged up behind him. He settled on the ground and let his head rest against his drawn up knees.

In a way he got what he had wanted. He just didn't realise that it would hurt so much. He still couldn't feel exactly what it was like to be with someone, but for the first time in his life he knew what it was like to long for someone. Someone physically there and able to come to him. It wasn't the same as when he was younger, and he longed for a family, nor was it the same as when he lost his adoptive father, and wished for his precense. It was a different longing and it hurt in it's own unique way. It was the knowledge that Tyki was there, within his grasp, but at the same time so far away. The only reason he went out the back door was just incase Tyki was there. The feeling hurt, and it was hard for him to comprehend. The feeling was there, it was painful, but it was hard for him to make sense of it.

The new sensation scared him but fulfilled him at the same time. Like going through life with out tasting anything sweet. The first time tasting honey would be shocking, scary, but enjoyable all the same, if you could just get over the shock. He was still in the shock stage, but the underlying sweetness made him smile. He was happy, but his heart was making a new beat that was scary.

"Wow," Allen said.

Feeling want for someone for the first time was amazing, but it still hurt.

"Shit," he said.

His emotions, he wasn't liking them much at the moment.

Figuring he couldn't just sit around in a dirty alley all night, Allen stood up, planning on furthering his contemplations back at home. Whilst in his bed, after possibly, just possibly, eating the entire contents of his fridge.

"Hey man, you got a smoke?"

Turning Allen saw some man, possibly a drifter, possibly a drug addict, who knew considering where he worked. He became overly conscious of the packet of cigarette's in his pocket and had to resist the urge to scratch at his leg.

"No, sorry,"

"Aww, right, yeah, that's cool," the possible drifter said, "That's fine, I mean, if you don't smoke or anything, but hey, do you like, have a dollar I could borrow, or something?"

Borrow a dollar? There was no way the man could repay him said dollar. If it was any other night or time, Allen would have handed over a dollar, or just kept on walking. But considering his emotional dilemma, and his desire to curl up at home and definitely, most definitely, eat the entire contents of his fridge, he didn't care enough.

"Fuck off," he said, turning away.

Then, if it was just another night, he would have been more aware, and he would have noticed the person that hit him across the face before they did so. On another night, even if he had been hit across the face, he possible would have been able to anticipate the next hit. Unfortunately, it wasn't just another night and Allen just didn't have the stamina or the will. The second hit hurt a lot more as well. It made him think of the time when he was a child, running around playing a game of tag with other children. He was too distracted by watching the person behind him, that he didn't look where he was going. Running head first into a wall he split his head open and got himself a concussion.

The memory of the event had faded, but it was the only kind of pain he could liken it too.

"Wha-what?" Allen slurred, no even comprehending what he was saying.

He took two steps back, two forward, and then another one back. He swayed a bit, feeling sick and gently lowered himself to the ground. He sat down in a sloppy attempt at sitting cross legged and tried to stay up right. He blinked up and saw a second person, but it hurt to look up too much, so he looked back down and held his head, trying to stop the way it seemed to be swaying.

"Fuck man, I mean, you shouldn't have hit him, I mean… fuck."

"He might have something."

"I know he might have something, I mean, but fuck man, you shouldn't have done that."

"Doesn't matter."

"I know, I mean, your right, I mean, we should just search him right?"

"Yeah, I bet he's got heaps," the man that hit him laughed, "That place is too expensive, he must have shit loads."

"Yeah, I mean, I guess he might."

Allen let him self be pushed to the ground and have his pockets search. It wasn't the first time he had been mugged, and he knew from experience that it was just easier to comply. It wasn't like he had anything to take than his cigarettes and his Ipod, which was hidden in his sock.

"Hey, hey, look he was lying," the second one said as he pulled the cigarettes from his pocket.

"His wallet is empty," the other said.

"Take it anyway."

Allen made some small groan of complaint at that, he really didn't want to have to go through the bother of replacing his cards. The phone calls were always so bothersome and took so long. Making an effort, he pushed himself up and in response got a swift kick to the stomach and pressure on his back pushing him back down. He figured it was easier and he just wanted to go home and eat the entire contents of his fridge. He let himself get searched and have his pockets turned inside out. Since he didn't have anything, the pair left with his cigarettes and his wallet.

He made a mental note to cancel his bank card as soon as he got home.

Making his way to his feet, he wobbled out of the alley and flagged down a cab. He didn't feel like going back into the club, explaining what happened, borrowing money. He had money at home and could pay upon arrival. It was easy to get a cab from his work. Some nights there was a line of them dropping people off and picking them up again. All he had to do was wait and hold out his arm, and in seconds a cab pulled up. He jumped into the back seat and said hello.

The cabbie was Indian and only stopped his phone conversation long enough to ask where he was going. Allen told the man his suburb and street and couldn't help but notice that his voice was muffled and had the cotton ball stuffed effected. The cabbie drove off, simultaneously holding up a conversation in punjab, texting and last of all, driving. The ride would have been hair raising, if Allen wasn't so busy poking his swollen cheek and tenderly touching his eye that seemed to be slowly shutting. He didn't know if he was imagining it, but Allen could swear his cheek was getting larger as the ride went on.

"Twenty-nine seventy," the cabbie said, pulling up and turning off the metre.

"I just have to run inside to get some money."

"No you pay now."

"Look, I just got robbed, my money's inside."

"I hear that one before, you will pay now."

"Look at my face! Just look at it."

The cabbie obliged and turned around. He looked Allen up and down and said, "You do that to yourself," and promptly turned around.

"W-What!"

Not wanting to argue further Allen tried to get out, only to find the door locked. The cabbie laughed.

"HA! Central locking! You pay now."

Allen leaned back with a sigh, wondering how the hell he was going to get out of his predicament. He needed some kind of collateral, if he had his wallet he would hand over his drivers license. But the wallet being stolen was turning out to be overly problematic. He thumped his feet against the floor and sighed again. Then he remembered the MP3 player shoved down his sock. He fiddled with his sock and pulled the player out.

"Here," he said, holding up the player, "I'll leave this here with you while I run inside and grab the money."

The cabbie turned around and snatched the player from his hand.

"Okay, I'll wait."

There was the electronic sound of electronic locks snapping and Allen leapt out of the car. He raced up the stairs and hastily unlocked his door, which always stuck but seemed to stick even worse, as things always did when one was in a hurry. He made his way inside eventually by thumping his shoulder against the door. Leaving the door open he raced inside and ran to his book case. He kept a number of notes stashed away in various books incase of an emergency. He grabbed a book and held it upside down making notes flutter to the floor. Snatching the notes up he ran back outside… only to find the cab long gone.

"Shit!" he shouted into the night.

He couldn't believe he could be so stupid. The player was worth at least three times as much as the cab fare, of course the guy was going to drive off with it.

He felt angry, but didn't have the energy to release it. He didn't even get the guys cab ID, not that it mattered. Deciding the whole venture useless he turned around and dragged himself back inside. Once inside he stopped by the fridge and grabbed himself a chicken leg. He chewed on it, trying to ignore the way his jaw clicked while making his was to the bathroom. Clicking the light on he walked up to the mirror to inspect his face.

Getting himself beat up could be seen as manly, a reddened and scraped cheek, a ring of blue around his eye, a cut lip. But Allen couldn't help but think about how stupid he looked. His cheek looked like he was holding an apple in his mouth, and during the ride home his eye had swelled completely shut. The thin line of his eye lashes across puffed blue skin looked hideous and somehow reminded him of a pimple in need of popping. He poked at his cheek a few more times before letting out a sigh and leaving the bathroom, shutting off the light as he went.

He went to the freezer and pulled out an ice brick. While wrapping the brick in a tea towel he remembered his vow to eat the entire content of his fridge. It wasn't such a good idea anymore, the clicking his jaw made when he chewed was unpleasant and painful. Instead he made his way over to his couch and figured he would sit down, pop a few pain killers and fall asleep to some trashy television.

He had just found himself comfortable with his pills and pillow in front of the television when there was a knock at the door. He ignored it and went about searching for the remote between the cushions. The knocking became more persistent so he gave up on the search and went to open the door. He had some stupid form of hope that maybe it was the cab driver returning to apologise and give him back his MP3. Opening the door, it was the last person he expected.

"Tyki? But… what? How did you know where I lived?" he said, forcing out words, even as his heart made that strange new rhythm in his chest.

"I came across something of yours," he said. He pulled a black and worn out wallet out of his pocket and held it out. It was his wallet. "It's got your address in it."

"What… how did you get this?"

"I just so happen to know the idiots that robbed you. Unfortunately they are both related to me and employed by me. I came right over when I found it."

Tyki stepped forward and rested his palm against his swollen cheek.

"Don't worry, I taught them a lesson."

"Thanks," Allen muttered.

"Well," he said, moving away from the door yet lingering, "I'll be off. See you around."

"Wait!" Allen said. He had reached out and grabbed the man's jacket without even realising.

"Can you… Could you stay for a bit."

"Oh? Want to try again already?" he said pushing his way in and taking ahold of Allen's face.

"Wait! Stop!" Allen said as Tyki leaned forward.

"What?"

"Maybe… Maybe I've been trying too hard."

He waited for Tyki to respond, say something smart, try again anyway. But he just let go, stepped back and shut the door.

"I've… maybe I've been taking this the wrong way. I jumped the gun a bit, tried to be too serious. What I'm trying to say it… maybe… I… I really," he let the words linger.

"Yes?" Tyki said, stepping forward.

"Can I have a hug?" Allen blurted out.

"Of course," Tyki said immediately.

Tyki stepped forward and drew him against his chest. It was small, but it was there, the thrill, the excitement of being with someone. It wasn't as strong but as Allen leaned against him he realised that it lasted a lot longer than previous times. Allen leaned up and risked a small almost chaste kiss. Tyki didn't take it further like he expected but let him pull away and rest his head against his chest. It felt good, he felt relaxed.

"Tyki?" he asked.

"Hmm?" Tyki rumbled.

Allen took awhile to enjoy the way his chest rumbled against his ear.

"Can you stay for awhile? I don't mean the night, or anything more, but could you, just… sit on the couch with me? Just for awhile."

"Sure."

Allen lead him to the couch, but searched between the cushions to find the remote before they sat down. When they sat down, Allen rested his head against Tyki's chest and tried to make it feel as natural as possible. It felt nice, comforting.

They flicked through the channels aimlessly and exchanged meaningless conversation. The conversation was pointless and often drifted off into silence, but it was never awkward. The channel they settled on was some infomercial channel. They watched muscled men and women work out on machines that did little for ones abs as they claimed. Neither of them minded but continued to converse.

It was nice, falling asleep against someone. As Allen felt himself drift towards sleep, he found himself so utterly happy he felt the need to let loose a small glee like noise. He didn't let the noise out but let his eyes shut.

It had been a long day, full of disappointment, lost feelings and new ones. He was happy, or the closest he figured he could get to happy with his problem.

…

**I finally update a story and it's the one no one likes.**

**But fuck that, this is the story that I like the most and want to explore the most. **

**However…. TOTAL FAIL of the point I was trying to get across. I tried to make my hands convey something in my mind and once again I failed. It's something I'm working on.**

**There are a lot of different things I want to explore with this. I hope I can eventually do it properly.**

…


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